


Best

by JAJAngmyeon



Series: of stars and alternate universes [17]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Best Friends!Soonhoon, Domestic Fluff, Dreams, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lee Jihoon | Woozi is Whipped, M/M, Romance, a bit slice of life, domestic!soonhoon is the best, everybody say thank you soonhoon, i just put all the crumbs in here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:34:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26677510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JAJAngmyeon/pseuds/JAJAngmyeon
Summary: Soonyoung and Jihoon are the best of friends who promised to be there for each other as they try to deal with the ups and downs of life...and the push and pull of their own hearts. Crossing the fine line separating friendship and love, is it worth the risk?
Relationships: Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi & Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Series: of stars and alternate universes [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1336945
Comments: 22
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> helloooooo~ this is jaja ✨ i want to thank soonhoon for being the source of my light and fire. this short fic is the product of the the crumbs i collected for the past few weeks, i hope you enjoy~ 
> 
> — fluff, and a bit of angst  
> — i hate writing best friend!fics bcs they bring back a looot of memories but yeah, after seeing the crumbs last night, i can’t help but write this.  
> — if uncomfortable with the tags, please don’t read.  
> — this is purely self-indulgent so forgive me if this came out too cheesy and sappy hhhhh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Being the best at something is not always what matters. What’s important is doing your best in everything.” 
> 
> Jihoon swore he could see the whole galaxy in Soonyoung’s eyes. He’s in love... He’s stupidly in love with his best friend.

Soonyoung was 7 when he met Jihoon. Being the only kid in the playground who stood up for him when bullies teased him because of his weight, telling him there are no chubby tigers, little Soonyoung was amazed by the little boy who kicked all the bullies’ asses, telling them to stay away from the new kid in the neighborhood.

“Don’t cry.” Soonyoung remembered as the first thing Jihoon told him that day. “If ever those bad kids came to find you again, just tell them my name, Lee Jihoon, and they’ll surely run away.” 

Soonyoung remembered how Jihoon proudly stood in front of him like a real superhero, telling him that this playground is his territory and that no one would ever bother him if he becomes friends with him.

“So, you like tigers?” 

Soonyoung’s eyes widened when he heard that. “How did you know?” 

Jihoon snorted. “Your shirt, your bag, your shoes. It’s not that... _obvious_.” 

“I want to be subtle with it tho.” 

Jihoon laughed at what he said, eyes disappearing into little crescents, making little Soonyoung more mesmerized.  “Do you not like tigers?” He asked his newfound friend and savior. He internally sighed when Jihoon shook his head. 

“I _like_ tigers.” Then he ruffled Soonyoung’s hair, whose shorter than him that time.  Soonyoung swore he heard his heart go _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kkang_ especially when Jihoon said, “—especially if they’re as cute as you.”

The next day, Soonyoung picked the hibiscus flowers he found on his way to the playground.  On that same day, Soonyoung asked Jihoon to marry him. 

“W-What are you talking about?” Jihoon asked the little boy who knelt in front of him, three pieces of hibiscus in his hands. 

“I’m asking you to marry me.” Soonyoung smiled, his cute snaggletooth peeking like a tiger cub’s fang. 

Jihoon didn’t know how much he laughed that day. “You just met me yesterday! Do you want to marry someone you just met?” 

“No, but I want to marry someone who makes my heart _kkoong-kkang, kkoong kkang_. That’s what my dad told me he felt when he saw my mom!” Little Soonyoung told Jihoon who just looked at him like he just lost his mind. 

“Lovers don’t just marry each other, idiot! What more 7-year-old kids who just met each other yesterday? Aigoo, what would you do without me, Kwon Dumdum?” Jihoon said, helping Soonyoung get up. 

“Then, how will you explain the _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kkang_?” Soonyoung asked the other boy who knitted his eyebrows trying to think of something. 

Jihoon beamed when he finally think of a reason. “Aha! That’s what you feel when you want to be best friends with someone!” 

“ _Best friends_?” 

“Kwon Soonyoung, will you be my best friend all our lives?” 

Soonyoung pouted with Jihoon’s offer. “Are best friends supposed to stay beside each other in sickness and in health?” 

Jihoon nodded. “Of course!” 

“In richer and poorer?” 

“Yes!” 

“Till death do them part? Forever and ever?” Soonyoung asked excitedly, the idea of being best friends with Jihoon the best thing that has ever happened to him. 

Jihoon took Soonyoung’s hand and made it so their pinky fingers will be linked. 

“Kwon Soonyoung and Lee Jihoon are best friends till death do us part, forever and ever.” 

❤️❤️❤️

Soonyoung and Jihoon were 15 when Jihoon realized he _likes_ Soonyoung. 

Hearing the _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kkang_ every time Soonyoung is around or when the other guy says something and he laughs regardless if it’s funny or unfunny.  Hearing the _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kkang_ means you want to be best friends with that person all your life? That’s the most foolish thing Lee Jihoon has ever said in his entire life.  He knew he’ll be regretting it all his life. 

“Kwon Soonyoung, stop saying _horanghae_ or I’ll disown you.” 

Kwon Soonyoung developed an even deeper fascination with tigers even after 10 years. Now, he actually thinks that a tiger is living inside of him, even coming up with his own way of saying ‘ _I love you_ ’ in his own tiger language, “ _Horanghae_ ”, to which he first thought of while hanging out with Jihoon. 

At first, it sounds good to Jihoon’s ears not until the tiger guy tells it to almost everyone that he sees. And that’s when Jihoon felt that weird, heavy feeling inside his chest every time said guy is saying “ _horanghae_ ” to everyone. _He hates it..._

Soonyoung stuck a tongue out at him as he put an arm over the other’s shoulder. “You could never. You love me too much. Isaw you distributing my tiger flyers for the upcoming dance competition, _tsun tsun_.” 

“I-It’s because my bag felt heavy with all those flyers, idiot. I have to dispose of them.” Jihoon reasoned out. He jolted in his seat when he felt Soonyoung’s face a few inches away from him. 

“Ji, may I remind you, you are the one who helped me arrange my own self-composed song, Tiger?” 

“That’s because I have nothing to do that day, okay? If I had known your tiger fever would be more intense because of that, I wouldn’t have helped you with that.” Jihoon reasoned out again. 

No, he won’t tell Soonyoung he loves seeing the guy on the stage. He won’t ever tell Soonyoung his heart goes _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kkang_ when... 

“Don’t your heart go _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kkang_ when you see me dancing, Ji?” 

Jihoon almost choked on his own spit when he heard that. He looked at Soonyoung and the latter is staring intently at him. Is that how almost 10 years of friendship work? You’ll be able to read minds too? 

He almost got a heart attack when Soonyoung slapped him on his back. “Of course, you should!” 

“W-What?” 

“You feel that with your best friend, right? _Kkoong-kkang, kkoong-kkang_ ~” 

_Kwon Soonyoung is an idiot._

But Lee Jihoon realized he’s the more idiot for liking his own best friend who still believes his 7-year-old self’s lie eight years ago. 

“Aigoo, this is the best.” Jihoon froze when Soonyoung suddenly leaned his head on his shoulder while he’s busy playing games on his phone. It’s not like he really likes playing games but on his eight years of friendship with Kwon Soonyoung, he deemed this as the best distraction. Just so the dumbass won’t hear the _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kang_ of his heart whenever he does things like _this_.  By thing like _this_ , he meant Soonyoung doing things that are _dangerous_ for his heart. 

Jihoon tried to slap Soonyoung’s head away from him only for the latter to lean again onto it as if his head and Jihoon’s shoulder has a magnet. 

“Are you a Jihoon magnet? I’m playing games, don’t you see?” Jihoon complained.

“Hmm, I’m a Jihoon magnet. What can you do about it? I told you, your shoulder is the best place to lean on. Why are you being a _tsun tsun_ again, best friend?” 

Yeah, Soonyoung is the most stubborn in the universe so in the end, he just let his head lay peacefully on his shoulder even if his heart felt like it’s already bursting. Well, minus the fact that his stomach formed painful knots when he heard the word best friend. 

_ Lee Jihoon is the best.  _ Best as in best friend. He didn’t know being the ‘ _best_ ’ is something he’d hate to hear. 

“What’s your dream, Nyong?” Jihoon asked when silence filled the room. He used this as a distraction when he failed to distract himself from his mobile games. 

The other opened his one eye and then took one of Jihoon’s hands so the latter could ruffle his hair while he’s leaning on his shoulder.  “Dream?” 

Jihoon hummed. “Like what you want to do in the future. Do you think...” He bit his lip. He wanted to ask if, on Soonyoung’s dream, he’s _there_ too. _Stupid Jihoon_. In the end, he shut his mouth about it. “Do you think you’re this dumdum who likes tigers too ten years from now?” 

Soonyoung chuckled. Jihoon noticed him scrunching his nose when he ruffles his hair. _Cute._

“You’ve always known what I dream of, Ji. I want to be on stage. I want to perform until my legs couldn’t feel anymore. I want to live doing the things I love.” 

Jihoon has always been amazed by Soonyoung’s vision of himself in the future.They’re already 15 and yet, he still doesn’t know what he’s doing with life. He couldn’t find anything that he could proudly say as his ‘ _dream_ ’. While Soonyoung's here, a smile on his face, stars dancing inside his eyes, like the whole universe will make its way and conspire so his life would go any way he likes.

Eight years ago, he’s the boss of that playground where he saved Soonyoung. But eight years is a long time, right? There are many things that changed.  One of them is him...who became timid and less confident with himself, questioning if he’ll be able to visualize himself doing something he really loves in the future. 

“I feel like I don’t have a dream of my own,” Jihoon admitted to which made the other sat up. “I don’t know, just thinking of the future scares me. I feel like I don’t have anything I know I can say I’m best at.” 

Soonyoung flicked his forehead. “What are you even saying? I’m offended, Jihoon.” 

Jihoon was about to retort when Soonyoung suddenly cupped his cheeks. _Oh god, does this guy even know what he’s doing with Jihoon’s heart?_

“For me, you are the best, Lee Jihoon.” 

Jihoon didn’t know how much his already racing heart has fastened even more with what Soonyoung said. He’s actually afraid the other would actually hear it. 

“You’re the best in writing poems and songs. The best in our Music class. You’re the best in baseball. And most importantly, you are _my_ best friend.” Soonyoung happily told Jihoon. No, Jihoon won’t ever tell his heart dropped with the last sentence again.  “And even if you’re not the best at something, what’s important is you do your best in everything, Jihoon.” 

Soonyoung’s eyes lit up when he thought of something. “Aha! What if...I’m gonna be the performer, you’re gonna be the producer. We’ll be the best combi and the world will be amazed at how perfect our chemistry is. That’s perfect, right? Right, Ji?” 

Jihoon loves the way Soonyoung’s eyes contain the whole Milky Way whenever he talks about the things he loves. And...he actually felt relieved that in Soonyoung’s future, there’s still him. 

_ Best combination, huh.  _ His stupid heart felt excited about the future just by hearing that.

“You’ve grown so much confidence throughout the years, Kwon Soonyoung. Who would’ve thought your only dream when we were seven is to marry me?” Jihoon bit his lip. The last part wasn’t supposed to say out loud. 

“People change, Jihoonie~” 

_ People change, ouch.  _

Jihoon looked at Soonyoung and he wondered. He wondered if in the future they’ll still be the way they are that day.  The thought scares him. Eight years changed them so much. What more another five years...ten years... Will he still be the ‘ _best_ ’ in Soonyoung’s heart?

“I’ll earn lots and lots of money. Then, we’ll retire when we’re seventy then live on an island where you could still write songs. There would be a bridge connecting our houses then—”

Jihoon furrowed his brows. “ _Our_ houses?” 

Soonyoung nodded. “Hmm, for our own families. We would build our own families. Your kids and my kids would be the best of friends too—”

_Right, who am I kidding? Jihoon thought._ At that moment, Jihoon prayed hard to all the gods and deities out there for the _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kkang_ to stop. 

This unrequited crush for his best friend needs to stop. 

❤️❤️❤️

Mrs. Kwon opened Soonyoung’s room and there, she found 4 boys playing on the latter’s new PC set. She put the tray containing ramen she prepared and the bottles of cola on the side. 

“Thank you, Mrs. Kwon~” The boys bowed politely then she smiled. 

“Mom, did you put ice on one of the ramens?” Soonyoung asked, his eyes not leaving the guy who’s holding the mouse as of the moment. 

Mrs. Kwon’s lips curved into a smile then said, “Hmm, I put ice cubes in Jihoon’s ramen, don’t worry.” She took Soonyoung’s dirty clothes then before she exited the room, she took one last glance to his son and his friends, particularly to his son’s best friend who frequents their house almost every day. “Jihoon.” 

Jihoon passed the mouse to Jeonghan then looked at Mrs. Kwon. “Yes, Eomeonim?” 

“I already included some of your clothes in the laundry. That hoodie with stars is yours, right? Get them later if you want, okay?” 

Jihoon rubbed his nape shyly. Then, he looked at Soonyoung who just snickered. It’s the dumdum’s fault. He has this habit of sneaking into his closet and borrowing Jihoon’s oversized hoodies.  This is why everyone thinks they’re a couple or something. People think they have a bunch of couple hoodies and Jihoon hated it. Well, he pretends to hate it because his stupid heart secretly likes it actually. 

“You didn’t have to but thank you, Mrs. Kwon,” Jihoon said, a bit embarrassed that Jeonghan and Seungkwan have to hear it too. 

“I’ll cook dinner for all of us later, okay?” 

The boys cheered happily then she left the room. 

“You put ice in your ramen, Jihoon?” Jeonghan asked when he saw how Jihoon is happily slurping his ramen with ice cubes floating on it. 

“Oh, I didn’t know Jihoon hyung is picky with food.” 

But instead of Jihoon answering, it’s Soonyoung who answered for him. “He’s not being picky.” He defended. “He just has a different way of eating. Just like how when he orders chicken, he has to always eat it with rice. He never eats his fries with ketchup. He has to eat stir-fried octopus in the morning. Oh! And hot stuff! He can’t eat hot stuff. He always puts rice inside the freezer for a minute before eating when it’s too hot. Hence, the ice cube in the ramen. Our Jihoon couldn’t stand hot stuff. Well...” Soonyoung smirked as he put an arm over Jihoon’s shoulder. “Well, except _me_.” 

Jihoon immediately elbowed him because of that and Soonyoung faked a cry. He felt a blush creeping up his face so he told them he’ll just go to the comfort room. 

“Get back to your senses, Lee Jihoon,” Jihoon said as he faced the mirror. “You can’t fall in love with your best friend.” 

Jihoon immediately walked back to Soonyoung’s room. He was about to go inside when he heard his name. 

“Wow, Soonyoung hyung, are you a Jihoonpedia?” Seungkwan eyed Soonyoung suspiciously then looked at Jeonghan who has the same look on his face as his. “Are you sure you two are not a _thing_?” 

“Of course not!” 

Soonyoung answered like it’s what’s programmed for them to say. For so many years of being best friends, that’s what they always answer whenever someone asks them if they’re together. Jihoon heard something crack. He’s convincing himself it’s not his heart. 

Seungkwan chuckled. “You don’t need to sound like I’m asking you if you killed someone. Aigoo, look at those widened eyes.” 

“But we’re really not together. Jihoon and I are just best friends.” Soonyoung exclaimed and Jihoon who’s listening just felt something inside of him shatter even more. 

“But don’t you think your best friend being your boyfriend would be the best thing to happen too? I mean, you don’t have to get to know him more since you already know each other best. You don’t have to build trust because you already trust each other so much.” Seungkwan asked the two older boys inside the room. 

Jihoon found himself nodding with what Seungkwan asked. But his heart fell again when Jeonghan answered. 

“I think it’s not the best idea to fall in love with your best friend, Seungkwan.” Jihoon could hear the eldest still clicking harshly on the mouse. “You know Junhui and Wonwoo, right?” 

“The famous cat _ulzzang_ couple from the other section.” Seungkwan nudged Soonyoung. “You’re friends with them, right?” 

“Yes, Junnie is my friend from the dance club and Wonwoo’s friends with Jihoon because of the bookworm club but we don’t hang out anymore.” Jihoon heard Soonyoung sigh. 

“Do you know why?” Jeonghan asked and Jihoon found himself gripping the doorknob. “It’s because those two broke up. They’re best friends since 6th grade then they become a couple for a short while then they broke up and boom! Years of friendship gone just because they realized they’re not meant to be a couple.”

Jihoon didn’t know why but he felt like all his energy was sucked up with the realization. 

“Best friends who become couples are the best when they work out. But when they didn’t, you’ll end up losing two persons in your life. You lose not just your boyfriend but also your best friend. That best friend who might’ve stayed longer in your life if you hadn’t tried to cross the fine line separating friendship and love.” Jeonghan said and Jihoon felt like he’s been slapped with cold water because of that. “I mean, is it really worth it? Sacrificing years of friendship for a relationship that has no guarantee of working out?” 

His already broken heart was shattered even more with Soonyoung’s answer. 

“Thank god, Jihoon and I are _just_ best friends.” 

Jihoon found himself standing there, frozen, with no plans of moving. When he finally found the courage to go inside the room again, he wordlessly took a seat then tried to eat his leftover ramen. 

“It’s too cold now,” Jihoon mumbled. 

Soonyoung looked at him worriedly. “Should I heat it up for you?” 

Jihoon tried to give the other a smile. “Nope, cold noodles are the best for me, you know that.” Then he slurped the ramen in one go before he took the mouse from Jeonghan so he could finish the game. 

Soonyoung stared at Jihoon worriedly as the latter harshly press the keyboard and click on the mouse. 

“Oh god, Jihoon _hyung_! You’ll wreck the keyboard.”

“I’m annoyed at this sheep. Why is it staring at me?” Jihoon pointed at the sheep on the side of the road staring at his character in the game as if mocking him. It’s as if it’s telling him how much of an idiot he is. It’s not...helping. He gritted his teeth and tried to clear the level. 

Seungkwan and Jeonghan laughed. Angry Jihoon looks like an angry marshmallow. 

While Soonyoung put a hand on top of Jihoon’s. “Jihoon, don’t be angry. Calm down.” 

Jihoon felt his skin burning with Soonyoung’s touch. He took a deep breath and calmed himself down. “Okay, okay. I won’t be mad.” 

Jeonghan and Seungkwan bid them goodbye after eating early dinner. Now, Jihoon and Soonyoung are just lying on the cold floor of Soonyoung’s room, staring on the ceiling filled with glow-in-the-dark stars they put there when the Kwons renovated their home. 

Soonyoung wanted to put a huge glow-in-the-dark tiger but thank heavens, there’s no such thing as that and so, Jihoon suggested they put stars instead. 

_ Kkoong-kkang... Kkoong-kkang...  _ Jihoon hates the way his heart is acting up again just because Soonyoung is so close to him. So close yet so far...

“Ji~” 

“Hmm?” 

“Do you think we could work out as a couple?” 

Jihoon swore he felt like his breath stopped for a whole minute when Soonyoung asked that. He felt cold sweat trickling down his forehead as his whole body felt like it went numb. 

“C-Couple?” Jihoon laughed awkwardly. “W-Where did you even get that?” 

Soonyoung lay on his side and looked at Jihoon. “No, right? It’s not possible, right? It’s not like you feel something when I do this, right?” 

Jihoon was sure his heart stopped functioning the moment Soonyoung moved and went on top of him, hovering above him, his hands on both sides of Jihoon’s head, his eyes intensely staring at the latter. 

“N-Nyong...” 

As if it isn’t enough to lose Jihoon’s sanity, Soonyoung moved his head down until it’s a few inches above Jihoon’s face. “You don’t feel anything, right?” 

Jihoon wanted to smack Soonyoung in the face. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream. But at that moment, his stupid heart couldn’t do anything but betray him and scream on its own. 

“Kkoong-kkang, kkoong-kkang.” 

As if he could read Jihoon’s mind, Soonyoung said those words and Jihoon’s eyes widened. 

“It’s the sound of our hearts because we’re best friends, right?” 

At that very moment, Jihoon has never felt the need to go back in time and smack his own forehead for making up that weird theory. 

Why did he even say that? Is he that sure he won’t fall in love with that cute little boy who entered their classroom shyly holding that cute tiger lunchbox and bag? Is he that sure he won’t fall in love in the future with the little boy who loves tigers so much that he finds it fascinating every time he finds the stars in that little boy’s eyes? 

Is he that sure he won’t fall in love? _Or he just chose a path that would assure him this little boy would stay by his side forever?_

Jihoon tensed when he felt Soonyoung snuggling closer to him. As if on instincts, his hand found its way to Soonyoung’s hair, caressing it like it’s made just for that. He saw Soonyoung closing his eyes happily as he moved closer to Jihoon.

Lee Jihoon hates hot stuff, yes. But why does Soonyoung’s warmth felt so good to his heart? Stupid Jihoon. 

“Let’s stay like this forever, hmm?” 

Jihoon nervously chuckled. “What? Looking at the stars in your ceiling? You want us to do this forever?” 

Soonyoung shook his head. “Being _best_ friends...” 

Jihoon froze, something heavy cwas dumped on top of his chest. 

“Let’s be best friends forever.”

Jihoon didn’t know why but he couldn’t find the will to answer Soonyoung. The “Yes.” and “Of course.” programmed for him to say whenever Soonyoung is having his soft hours and do this best friend check, why can’t he answer it? 

“Lee Jihoon, be my best friend for the rest of our lives, hmm?” 

In the end, Jihoon found the will to answer, his own heart breaking in the process. 

“If that’s what you want...” 

❤️❤️❤️

Soonyoung and Jihoon were 24 when they decided to share a house together when they moved to Seoul for a year already. They said it’s to save money but who knows if that’s to save their hearts missing each other too much too? 

More than that bullshit _kkoong-kkang, kkoong-kkang-is-felt-for-your-best-friend_ lie Jihoon made him believe when they were 7. 

But yeah, at the age of 24, there’s a whole future waiting ahead of you. Adulting is a subscription almost everyone wants to unsubscribe from and being in love with your best friend while your hands are full of responsibilities is the last thing you’d want to admit to. 

Soonyoung found Jihoon sitting on the couch, his favorite shirt Jihoon got for his birthday last year (his favorite shirt!) folded halfway in between his beautiful fingers. 

He figured Jihoon must’ve been losing sleep lately again, trying to finish songs for his clients. Jihoon works as an indie music producer and Soonyoung is more than proud of his best friend. 

They might live in the same house together but they actually see each other rarely. It’s because Soonyoung’s job as an engineer requires him to be out all day doing field works, visiting sites that require his utmost attention. When he goes home at night, Jihoon is just starting to work inside his mini-studio at home. 

Yes, you read it right. Far from the dream of performing Soonyoung has always been dreaming of, he ended up pursuing a job that he never knew he would be in the future. Being practical, people around him say. 

Apparently, dancing won’t get him anywhere and it should just stay as a hobby instead of pursuing it as a career so Soonyoung took up Engineering as per his father’s request of him. 

Even if he didn’t get to pursue that thing that makes him happy, he knew Jihoon would be proud of him too. Doing your best at everything over being the best in something, right? That’s what he always does whenever he comes to work. 

However, he’s more than happy Jihoon got to do what makes him happy as the career path that he took is related to Music. Being the best of friends means being happy with what your best friend achieved, right?  Who would’ve thought Jihoon is the same person who told him that he couldn’t think of anything to be considered his dream. 

All his encouragement ever since Jihoon helped him make his “Tiger” song all came into fruition when their senior in high school saw potentials in him. He’s more than happy his best friend is starting to make his dream come true. 

But every dream has a price to pay in the form of sleepless nights and exhausting days. 

Once Jihoon goes inside what he calls Woozi’s Room, that guy is practically a caveman in there. He’ll only come out once he finishes all that he wants to accomplish. 

On that lucky day that Soonyoung took an overnight at the office to finish some paperwork and design and asked for leave the next day, he found Jihoon half-asleep on the couch. 

“ _Jagiya_ , what are you doing?” 

“Asshole.” 

Soonyoung giggled and went to sit beside his best friend. “Why are you sleeping here? Go to sleep inside your room.” 

Jihoon hummed. “I have to get a little sunlight. I’m starting to look like a vampire. I’ve been lacking Vitamin D lately.” 

Soonyoung sighed. Stubborn Jihoon is stubborn. “If you don’t want to sleep, I’ll be the one to sleep.” He adjusted his position and lay his head on Jihoon’s lap. 

Jihoon groaned softly. “Ya, go to sleep in your room.” He complained but doesn’t make any effort to shoo Soonyoung away. 

“I sleep here the _best_. Lee Jihoon is the _best_ pillow with 1000/5 star rating.”

“Idiot.” Jihoon mumbled sleepily as they both drifted off to sleep.

Soonyoung was the first one to wake up half an hour later. He looked up and saw Jihoon sleeping while sitting on the couch. He sat up, careful not to wake his best friend up. He decided to just carry Jihoon to his room.

Different from the first time they met, Soonyoung grew a few centimeters taller than Jihoon. The latter’s small frame is easy to carry in Soonyoung’s strong, capable arms.  However, he got... _distracted_.

_ Kkoong-kkang, kkoong-kkang... _

Soonyoung swept the stray hairs away from Jihoon’s forehead then his gaze landed on...Jihoon’s lips.  They know each other for 17 years already and Soonyoung just recently realized just how red and plump Jihoon’s lips are.  It stood out the most in his face contrary to Jihoon’s milky white skin. It’s impossible for Soonyoung not to notice it too when Jihoon does random _noot noots_ on a daily basis. 

Next thing he knew, he’s already leaning his face towards Jihoon’s.

_Closer...closer...closer..._ until he felt warmth on his own lips and the _kkoong-kkang, kkoong-kkang_ got even louder than it already is. He quickly pulled away when he realized what he’s doing. 

“Idiot Kwon Soonyoung. That’s your best friend.” Soonyoung half-whispered, half-shouted as he slapped himself. 

“What are you doing?” 

Soonyoung almost went off-balance when he heard Jihoon’s voice. Luckily, the latter caught him by his hand. Jihoon chuckled, voice still raspy because he just woke up. “Ya, idiot Kwon Soonyoung, what are you doing?” 

“U-Uhh, you have dirt on your face.” Stupid Soonyoung and his lame excuses. 

“Oh? Where?” 

“I-I already removed it.” Great, the dirt on Jihoon’s face equates to Soonyoung’s face. That’s quite... a speck of big dirt. 

Jihoon smiled. Thankfully, he didn’t press any longer. Soonyoung sat next to him again, hopeful that Jihoon won’t notice the blush on his face because of what he did just a while ago.He distracted himself by folding the remaining laundry.

“Nyong...” 

“Hmm?” 

“Remember what I asked you a few years ago?” Jihoon asked. “About my dream...” 

Soonyoung nodded. How could he ever forget that? That’s the time of his life where he’s so sure everything in his life will happen just the way he envisioned them. Just like how he wanted them to be... 

Nine years passed, things change and there’s only one thing that remained constant.  _ And that is...Jihoon being his best friend.  _

Maybe Jeonghan is right. Maybe falling in love with your best friend is not the best idea. Remaining as friends mean that you could stay beside each other for as long as you like... for as long as you want them to. That no matter how fast the universe has been changing around you, you’ll know you’ll always have that one person by your side. 

Maybe, staying as Jihoon’s best friend also means them being together like that...forever.  _Or so he thought?_

“I was planning to tell you later but I’m too excited so I waited for you to come home today. You know _Warner Music_ , right?” 

Soonyoung gasped, his eyes widened as soon as he heard the name of the company. “That’s...like the largest music production company, Jihoon. Do you mean—”

Jihoon smiled the widest, the whole universe contained in his eyes. “They offered me to work with them, Soonyoung.” 

“Oh my god, that’s... that’s...” Soonyoung’s heart felt like bursting when he heard the best news, he couldn’t do anything but to pull Jihoon into a hug. “I’m so happy for you, Jihoon. Oh god. I’m so proud of you.” 

Soonyoung wasn’t the one who got offered the job but his heart felt like bursting from too much happiness. 

“Soonyoung...” 

“Hmm? What is it, Woozi-nim?” Soonyoung said proudly. He’s also the one who suggested Woozi as Jihoon’s producer name. He knew his best friend would hit it big. Jihoon has the talent, he has a way to express his feelings through his songs. 

Listening to his songs felt like you already experienced ten heartbreaks in a span of four minutes max. He has always wondered where Jihoon gets his inspiration to his songs when he hasn’t been in any relationship before but yeah, whoever it is, he’s more than thankful. 

“I have to thank your imaginary boyfriend for breaking your heart, Jihoon. If it wasn’t for him, we wouldn’t get these beautiful songs.” Soonyoung felt Jihoon tensed with what he said. 

A few moments later, Jihoon chuckled. “Hmm, we have to thank that idiot.” 

Soonyoung pulled away when he heard that. “Y-You...really have someone?” 

Jihoon didn’t answer his question. Instead, he pulled Soonyoung into a hug again. “Soonyoung...” 

“What? Why are you calling my name repeatedly? It’s making me nervous.” 

However, when Jihoon finally said the reason, Soonyoung felt like he was splashed with cold water. 

“They’re asking me to work...overseas.” 

Soonyoung felt like his heart stopped. Jihoon, being away from him... this is the first time. When you got someone beside you for the past 17 years, it was like getting that person imprinted in your system too. A tattoo that you would never be able to erase no matter how much you rinse it with soap and water. 

“When... when will you be back?” 

Soonyoung could feel the happiness in Jihoon’s voice. “They sent me a copy of the contract and it says 7 years.” 

“S-Seven years... It’s quite a long time, Jihoonie...” Soonyoung tried to maintain his voice without cracking up. He’s thankful Jihoon is still hugging him so the other won’t see that his eyes are already glassy, tears threatening to fall any minute. 

“You...” Jihoon paused for a while before he continued what he was about to say. “You’ll come with me, right? I mean, if you won’t, then I won’t go.” He continued, shattering Soonyoung’s heart into pieces. “Nyong, you’ll come with me, right?” 

Kwon Soonyoung could ‘t say anything. Instead, he pulled Jihoon into a tighter hug. 

❤️❤️❤️

[Soonyoung, please call me back...] 

[Nyong, are you seriously not gonna show up? It’s gonna be my flight in a few days.]

[Are you really letting me go like this?] 

[I hate you...] 

[Best friends forever? Bullshit. We’re idiots forever.]

[Nyong...please...] 

[I have something to tell you. Let’s meet... Please.] 

[Being with you is still...the best, Kwon Soonyoung.] 

[You are an idiot.] 

[17 years of friendship, is this it? Is this how it ends?]

[Just say it... and I won’t go. I won’t go if you don’t want me to...] 

_Soonyoung didn’t reply._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jihoon, you have to meet someone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m so sorry this took sooooo long. 😔 things... happened in between writing Chapter 1 and 2 and found it hard to go back in my orbit of writing this again. So yeah~ 
> 
> i didn’t expect this to be THIS angsty 😐 blame it on my moods this past weeks. but yeah, hope you enjoy reading 💕
> 
> P.S. thank you soonhoon playlist released this morning. I've been trying to get back to this to finish the last part then i listened to the songs and i finally got to finish this~ ✨ posting chapter 3 later (i promise!) after work~

Being best friends with someone almost all your life and suddenly being away from that person is hard. But being away from that person without even having to say a proper goodbye is the worst. 

Jihoon knew it’s selfish of him to ask Soonyoung to go with him when he’s had a whole career and life to where they are. He’s just...Soonyoung’s best friend. Nothing more, nothing less. 

When you’re standing between the boundaries of being more than just friends but less than a lover, Jihoon couldn’t do anything but do the best thing that he could ever think of for the two of them. _And that is...to leave._

He knew Soonyoung didn’t contact him before he left because his best friend knew he’s still having thoughts about pursuing his dream. Soonyoung knew he’s holding Jihoon back. And stopping each other from pursuing their dreams, that’s the last thing they both wanted to happen. 

Jihoon deemed it a perfect chance to completely erase his feelings for his own best friend too.

  
  


However, he can’t help but still feel sad and devastated that Soonyoung doesn’t even contact him. Not even once. Isn’t it too much? They’re still best friends, right? How can Soonyoung ignore him for seven fucking years?

  
  


Jihoon left to pursue his career overseas. In just a few year’s time, having the talent, the skills, and potential, Lee Jihoon managed to establish his own name in the music industry. Producing songs hitting charts, breaking some records. Well, maybe not that big but what’s important is he had made a name in his chosen industry. He managed to pursue his dream and that is to do the thing that he loves the most — producing music. 

Doing the thing you love the best at the same time as having it as your job, Lee Jihoon is certainly living everyone’s dream. 

“Woozi-nim, they said you broke your own record.” The interviewer said. “The people who knew you before you became a Warner Music producer told us it just felt like you’ve undergone 10 breakups whenever they listen to your ballads. But now, it already feels like 20 heartbreaks.” 

Jihoon laughed, suddenly remembering the last conversation he had with...that person. “I didn’t know if I would take that as a compliment.” 

“That’s certainly a compliment. Many people are now curious if the youngest Warner Music producer has ever experienced 20 breakups to be able to write these heart-wrenching songs?” 

Jihoon bit his lip hearing that question. Surely, five years is a long time. But after he left his home country, he never really dated anyone. Sure, there are flings. But that’s just him trying to forget a certain someone. “I have never dated anyone...up to this day.” He shyly admitted. “I feel like I didn’t have time for that.” 

Yes, you didn’t have time to forget him, you idiot, Jihoon mentally smacked himself. Dating others didn’t work so he just...drowned himself with work. That’s better, right? 

The interviewer didn’t buy it. “Writing songs like this, there surely is a muse behind it, right? An informant even told us you were able to write 7 songs just a month after you moved here. Is there a special someone you left there? Or something like that?” 

Jihoon heaved a deep sigh. He has to smack that informant on the head later. 

Even if he admits that all those songs are made with his best friend in mind, what’s even the point? He didn’t want to make the conversation about it any longer too. “My best friend always tells me he has to thank my imaginary special someone for the songs I’ve written. Maybe he’s right... Maybe you could say that it’s all thanks to my imaginary boyfriend.” 

“Okay, we have to thank Woozi’s imaginary boyfriend, everyone.” 

Thankfully, the interviewer didn’t delve deeper into Jihoon’s inspirations because that would be a disaster. Jihoon has kept what he felt for Soonyoung for years. He wouldn’t risk having a slip of the tongue in this one sloppy interview. 

“Being the best in this field, do you want it?” 

Jihoon’s lips curled upwards. “Being the best bears that unimaginable weight in anyone’s shoulder no matter what path we choose. There’s someone who told me this. Being the best in something is not really important. What’s important is you do your best in everything.” He reminisced the number of times Soonyoung told him that. He smiled at the thought. 

“As time goes by, someone better will always replace that ‘best’. But if you did your best in everything, no one will ever be able to take away the satisfaction in your heart and I think that’s the most important.” Jihoon told the interviewer who’s in awe of his words. 

“I wouldn’t mind getting lesser listeners to my songs as time goes by. People will forget the lyrics after so many years. What I want is for the feeling you felt while listening to the music I made to remain.” Jihoon looked at the people around him. The Jihoon from many years ago who just composed a song to indulge his best friend’s liking for tigers would never even believe him when he sees him right at that spot. He surely came a long way already. 

“As long as there’s someone who’s happy with the music I produce and put my best into, I think that’s what really matters and would let me continue doing this thing I really love doing.” 

After the interview, Jihoon went down to rest inside his car. He leaned his back on his seat, took his neck pillow, and momentarily closed his eyes. He’s dead tired. 

Jihoon is never a social butterfly and that’s the first time he has ever allowed an interview with him. Well, with the persistence of his company.

“You answered all of the questions flawlessly, hyung.” Jihoon heard Seungkwan, his personal assistant and secretary, say. 

“I’m exhausted.” Jihoon sighed. “Talking to people makes my energy level deplete.” No, he won’t ever admit it’s because he talked about his song inspos and it made me remember a certain someone. _Keyword: remember._ Well, did he ever forget? Or at least try to forget? 

“That talk about your imaginary boyfriend is hilarious, hyung. I mean, for someone who has no experience in dating, it’s really amazing how you write heartbroken songs like that.” Seungkwan pointed out and it made Jihoon sigh again. 

“I don’t have to have experience in dating to have experience in heartbreaks.” 

_Sometimes, it just takes a boy and a friendship you’re so afraid to ruin._

Jihoon tried to shake off those thoughts so he tried to divert the topic. “What’s my next schedule Mr. Informant?” 

Seungkwan bit his lip when he heard what Jihoon called him. “They asked me… and I just answered facts, hyung!” 

Jihoon just sighed. Seungkwan really is a blabbermouth. He would stay inside his studio for hours and everyone inside the company would know already that an album is coming out in a few weeks. Nevertheless, he wouldn’t want any secretary other than him.

“Is there anyone who called me while I’m in the interview?”

Seungkwan quickly took his phone and started enumerating Jihoon’s schedule for the week. Some of which Jihoon already knew. Jihoon slumped on his seat again and tried to get some sleep before going back to his studio to finish some songs he’ll release for the next quarter of the year. “Oh! You’ve got mail, hyung. From that little fan of yours...again.” 

Hearing that is enough for Jihoon to happily sit up and took the familiar white envelope from Seungkwan. He immediately opened it and read the content. It seems like it washed away all his tiredness away. 

“She writes better now than the last time she sent me a letter. Bet her kindergarten teacher is teaching K well. – Oh! The swing looks more like a swing now!” 

K is Jihoon’s youngest fan. She’s a kid who sends Jihoon letters since last year. The letter is short and simple. Just her thanking him for his new song. Just her telling Jihoon how much her family loves his music too. 

Her first letter is a huge _“Thank you, Woozi-nim!”_ written in a white bond paper with a blue crayon and a cute little swing drawn on it. It looks like she just learned writing the alphabet then. 

The next letter read, _“You made Dad cry. Thank you, Woozi-nim!”_ Jihoon didn’t know that time if he’ll be sad he made someone’s dad cry or he’ll be honored because he managed to transmit the emotions he wants to show through his songs. 

Jihoon assumes she’s more or less six or seven years old, judging by the way she writes. He didn’t know how and why a little kid got their office’s address but he figured the little girl might get some help from her parents in sending Jihoon these letters. It’s simple yet it’s enough to keep Jihoon’s heart warm. 

Most people thank the singers who perform the songs they produce and it’s not really new to Jihoon since he has always been working on the background. But for a little girl to personally write him a letter thanking him, it just...means a lot. 

“What did she say this time?” Seungkwan asked, curious. He’s more than happy to lighten up Jihoon’s mood. 

Jihoon laughed when he read the letter. “She said she hopes her Dad and I could meet someday.” 

Feeling warmth in his chest, Jihoon felt energized to continue the song he’s been writing since last week. However, he was startled when Seungkwan spoke again. 

“Oh! I almost forgot, you got a call from Seoul, hyung.” 

“I got... a call from where?” 

  
  


“— You got missed calls from Seoul, fifteen times in total.” 

_Kkoong-kkang... Kkoong-kkang..._

Jihoon felt his heart beat fast when he heard the name of the place where the calls are from. “You–You managed to call it back? 

“Yes, I called them back.” 

“What did he say? Who is he?” 

  
  


❤️❤️❤️

“Hello?” 

Soonyoung took a deep breath upon answering his phone that’s been frantically ringing since a while ago. He’s too busy fixing his hair and tie that he failed to answer it. 

_It’s been a long time._

Seven years is indeed a long time. In a span of those years, there are so many things that happened... _that changed..._

“Of course, I’m coming. I’m on my way there, don’t worry.” Soonyoung answered with a huge smile on his face. “I promised, remember?” 

Soonyoung heard some chatters from the background. “I’ll be there in five minutes, you don’t have to worry, okay?” He took a deep breath then spoke again. “I know it’s been years but you know very well I fulfill promises, right?” 

Soonyoung ended the call then focused on the road ahead of him. A few minutes later, he finally saw the place where he’s supposed to be that night. 

He took one look on the piece of paper where a location could be found. When he arrived at the venue, he took a deep breath as he saw the crowd inside. 

Why is he feeling nervous all of a sudden? 

Soonyoung opened the door, roamed his eyes, and sitting there, at one of the tables, he found who he’s looking for. 

“Engr. Hong!” 

Said guy looked in his direction, eyes sparkling when he saw Soonyoung as he made his way towards the younger. “Ya! Engr. Kwon. You finally showed up! I thought you’ll gonna ditch me again.” 

“I told you I fulfill promises, right? When I told you I would be going to your wedding if you stop third-wheeling to our workmates before I resign, I meant it.” Soonyoung beamed as Joshua hugged him. “Well, it’s kinda late but...better late than never, right?” 

Joshua Hong is one of his colleagues in the engineering firm where he was employed 7 years ago. Engineering is not really a job Soonyoung would enjoy doing. But yeah, there are people that made him enjoy it even if this is not really a job he dreamt of doing. 

Sometimes, it’s not the job that we love. It’s the people in that job that made it worth staying, right? And Joshua Hong is one of them. He’s one of those few people who made his stay at that company bearable. 

Soonyoung promised this hyung he would be there for his own wedding but yeah, things happened and he failed to do so. So, Joshua just asked him to meet him and his husband three days after the wedding. 

Soonyoung roamed his eyes around the place then looked at Joshua, confused. “Where’s Seokmin? Why is your husband not here?” 

Joshua just smiled at him as he pulled Soonyoung to one of the seats. “Oh, he just went to pick up someone. He’ll be back.”

Soonyoung furrowed his brows when he saw Jisoo’s lips quirk upwards. “I don’t like that smile.” 

“Seokmin’s cousin is a bachelor, you know. And I’m so excited to introduce you to him.” Joshua’s eyes sparkled like a proud mom setting her son on a blind date. 

Soonyoung just chuckled. “Ey, hyung... You know I really can’t date with my situation—”

He was cut off when Joshua’s eyes lit up when he saw something from behind Soonyoung. “Oh, there he is!” He stood up and waved excitedly. “Babe!” 

Soonyoung shook his head. He slowly turned then he found Joshua’s husband, Lee Seokmin, smiling at them. 

But that’s not the reason why Soonyoung’s jaw dropped, mouth agape and eyes wide. 

The real reason is that... Joshua’s husband is not alone. _He is with...someone._

Someone whose face is mirroring that of Soonyoung’s. 

_Kkoong-kkang... Kkoong-kkang..._

“Lee Jihoon.”

“Kwon Soonyoung.” 

_He’s back..._

Soonyoung felt the familiar thumping of his heart, producing that annoying and stupid _kkoong-kkang, kkoong-kkang_ of his heart that he managed to suppress all these years... 

So why... 

Why is it back? With everything that happened, it’s supposed to be buried deep inside the deepest part of his heart, right? 

So why... 

“You...know each other?” Joshua and Seokmin just stood there, confused at the two guys’ reaction when they saw each other. 

“At this rate, it must be fate, right?” Soonyoung quickly covered his mouth. Stupid, he wasn’t supposed to say that out loud. However, he was too distracted by those pair of eyes. Those pair of eyes he didn’t see for years but still holds the same power over him. 

_Kkoong-kkang... Kkoong-kkang..._

Soonyoung felt his heart disappointed when Jihoon broke eye contact. The other guy looked at Seokmin and smiled as he answered the younger’s question. However, his heart felt heavier when Jihoon spoke. 

“He is...my best friend.” 

❤️❤️❤️

“For best friends, you’re kinda... uh, awkward,” Seokmin commented that made both Soonyoung and Jihoon tense. “Ow, babe, why are you stepping on my foot?” 

Jisoo started laughing awkwardly. Jihoon just shook his head. Why is this cousin of his couldn’t read situations? Are all Lees this dense? 

He tried to catch a glimpse of Soonyoung but the asshole won’t even look him in the eye. It must’ve been guilt. This idiot hamster might be guilty of not contacting him all these years. When he felt like Soonyoung won’t open his mouth, he decided he’ll be a bigger person and speak. 

“It’s...been a long time since we last talked so...” 

Jihoon saw Soonyoung looking everywhere but his eyes. A few days ago when he heard from Seungkwan that there’s someone from Seoul who contacted him, he hated his foolish self for he couldn’t help but feel so damn excited to know who it is. He hates himself for fully-expecting it to be his idiot best friend who might’ve finally come to his senses that he might have finally decided to reconnect with Jihoon. 

No, he wouldn’t tell anyone how much his heart dropped when he finally talked to the mystery caller and knew that it’s one of his distant cousins who requested him to sing on his wedding day. 

Jihoon has contemplated several times if he should go home to Seoul just for a relative’s wedding he doesn’t even know that well. With the constant nagging and pleading of his mom who’s the one that brags about her son being a famous music producer, he finally gave in. 

_And he was glad he did..._

Who would’ve thought it would be the way for him to finally meet Soonyoung again? Maybe he’s right. Maybe at this rate, this is called fate. 

Jihoon has imagined so many times what his reaction would be when Soonyoung and he meet again. He would have never imagined it would be on a blind date set up by his cousin whom he just met a few days ago. He was snapped back to reality when Joshua, Seokmin’s husband, spoke again. 

“Well, Soonyoung basically became a hermit after he resigned so—”

“Hyung!” Finally, Soonyoung found the will to say something. “You know, things...happened.” 

Joshua nodded in agreement. “Yes, there are so many things that happened these past few years.” He gasped when he realized something. “Are you telling me, Jihoon here, doesn’t know that you already have—”

Jihoon furrowed his brows. His heart broke at the way the gap was created between him and Soonyoung after years of not talking. They’re just sitting across each other but it felt like they’re hundreds of kilometers away considering how little they know of what happened to each of them these past few years. 

They had little to no secret before they separated (except their feelings!) but now, Jihoon almost couldn’t recognize the person sitting in front of him. It hurts. It fucking hurts...big time. Jihoon knew he would be writing a full album worth of songs once he goes back to the States in a few days. 

They say time heals all the wounds. But little did they know, time creates distance too. Years of no communication creates the biggest gaps. And people with the strongest bonds like Jihoon and Soonyoung aren't exceptions. 

“Oh, that’s our theme song playing, babe.” Seokmin happily said when the song Jihoon recognized as the song he sang at Joshua and Seokmin’s wedding played inside the diner and couples started standing up to dance to the beautiful song. 

Much to Soonyoung and Jihoon’s horror, Joshua and Seokmin joined the couples in the room and started swaying to the music with the biggest smiles on their faces, a smile indicating they finally found the one. Something... Jihoon felt like he still failed in doing. 

Or maybe... he already found him but he’s too scared to cross that damn line even...until now. 

“You didn’t put ice in your hot soup.” 

Jihoon was taken aback when he heard Soonyoung talk to him. He tried to look into Jihoon’s eyes but after a few seconds, he looked away again. Jihoon hates the way his heart flipped when he realized Soonyoung still remembers. 

“People...change.”

However, Jihoon knew just by looking at Soonyoung that something did change. Not just between the two of them but also to Soonyoung himself. Different from the usual cheerful Soonyoung who’s not afraid of speaking his mind, this Soonyoung in front of him seems like he’s holding back a lot of things. 

If it’s the old Soonyoung, that idiot from 7 years ago won’t stop pestering him about what changed? What made him go on a blind date? But seeing how this Soonyoung stopped talking again when Jihoon answered him, there really is something that changed. 

“After 7 freaking years of cutting ties with your best friend, that’s the first thing you ask of him?” 

Soonyoung sighed then tried to look at Jihoon again. “Then, what do you want me to ask you—”

“Shall we...dance?” 

Jihoon could see the way Soonyoung’s eyes widened with his question, both of their cheeks painted red. He almost wanted the ground to open up and swallow him whole. 

Why would I even ask him to suddenly dance with me? Where am I even getting all this confidence, Jihoon asked himself. 

“Uhh, I mean, I miss seeing you dance and the song is just so beautiful so maybe… we can catch up while…” Jihoon bit his lip, why is he even saying these things. 

“Let’s go…” 

Jihoon looked at Soonyoung incredulously. “W-What?” 

The other rubbed his nape shyly as he stood up and held his hand out for Jihoon to take. “To… to catch up, right?” 

❤️❤️❤️

_By a narrow margin, it glides along_

_The secret sign_

_That has made contact at the verge~_

Jihoon has imagined hundreds of times for the past 7 years how he’d be catching up for the lost years that he’s separated from Soonyoung. And never did he imagine it to be this way — them, awkwardly dancing with a sappy love song playing in the background while they’re surrounded by at least ten couples tonight.

_So that the voice of my tickling heart_

_Can be shaken in the middle of a silent lake_

_Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh_

Not far away from them are Joshua and Seokmin who are dancing and giggling like they’re the only ones in there. _They’re too in love, Jihoon thought._

“Joshua hyung said he’s childhood friends with Seokmin, don’t you know him?” Soonyoung asked Jihoon who looked at Soonyoung who’s watching the newly-wed too. 

Jihoon snorted. “Seokmin’s a distant relative who grew up in LA so how would I know? I just met him face-to-face on his wedding day.” 

The other laughed too. “I guess Mama Lee bragged about you to your entire clan, huh?” 

“You know her. She loves doing that.” Jihoon playfully rolled his eyes, remembering how much his mom talks about him to everyone he meets. 

“Well, if my only son is a genius composer, I’d most probably make the whole universe know about it too,” Soonyoung commented then he glanced at Seokmin and Joshua again. 

Joshua is whispering something to Seokmin that made the latter giggle loudly, they have to apologize to the other couples there for being too loud. 

“Joshua hyung has never dated anyone when I’m colleagues with him. It’s just… amazing to know all that he’s been looking for is just right there by his side all this time.” Soonyoung said dreamily and there’s something inside Jihoon that felt like bursting. 

Something like it’s been imprisoned for so long that it’s struggling to come out. And Jihoon knew better than anyone else what is _that_. 

_Uh as we depend on light from a single candle_

_We look at the light as we search for one another_

_Our shadows meet to become one_

Then, his mind drifted to years ago when he heard Soonyoung say that he’s thankful that Jihoon and he are just friends and suddenly all the bubbles popped. 

“I didn’t know friends-to-lovers prompts work. Remember Wonwoo and Junhui from high school?” Jihoon commented, trying to be nonchalant. 

Soonyoung didn’t say a thing. 

Jihoon didn’t know where all his courage is coming from but he figured it’s now or never. He couldn’t even stop himself when he suddenly asked. “I mean, can you…” He trailed off then assess Soonyoung’s face. Well, he’s still looking at Seokmin and Joshua dancing. “Can you imagine me being your best bro today then all of a sudden I’ll call you babe tomorrow?” 

_We pretend like we don’t know although we know_

_That we need today_

_We already know losing control_

Soonyoung seems like he was taken aback by that. He looked at Jihoon in the eyes and Jihoon couldn’t read him again. Jihoon thought the other was going to say something but in the end, he just smiled. 

_The end of the secret swamp_

_Is a new start_

_Don’t rush, despacito_

_At this temperature right now_

There’s an awkward silence that enveloped the two of them. 

  
  


_Don’t need a loud noise_

_The sound of the clock is our metronome_

  
  


“How are you?”

They were both startled when they talked at the same time. 

“You first,” Soonyoung said. 

“No, you should, I believe you have a lot of things to say, Kwon Soonyoung,” Jihoon replied, making sure he looked Soonyoung in the eyes. There are stars. The stars are still there… but Jihoon needs answers. It’s long due but yeah, he badly needs those answers. 

_Amor, this one word_

_Amor, makes me take a deep breath_

_Amor, no explanation is needed_

Soonyoung’s still avoiding Jihoon’s gaze and the latter is growing impatient chasing the other’s eyes. So what he did next is put his both hands on Soonyoung’s cheeks that startled the hell out of the said guy and make him look at him in the eye. 

“J-Jihoon…” 

“Kwon Soonyoung, it’s been 7 freaking years. The least you could do is look at your best friend in the eye and update him about your life, right?” Jihoon could still see the hesitation in Soonyoung’s eyes. “Ya! You’ve been ignoring me long enough. Isn’t that enough already? Do you want me to disown you?” 

_Like the clock’s hand_

_I want to keep going at a consistent rate right now_

  
  


Soonyoung immediately shook his head. He bit his lip, contemplating if he’ll continue what he’s going to say. In the end, he did. “Aren’t you...mad I ditched you the day you left for the States?” 

Jihoon chuckled. So, his hunch is right. This dumbass is still guilty about that day. “I must admit I want to rip you into pieces because of that but I know you have your reasons. I mean, Kwon Soonyoung is an idiot but he does things according to what he thinks is right.” 

Soonyoung laughed at what Jihoon said. The idiot still laughs whenever Jihoon calls him an idiot. Maybe some things didn’t change.

“So, what are you up to? My best friend should give me the best reasons why he didn’t bother talking to me for 7 fucking years.” 

“There’s a lot that happened, Ji. I don’t really know where I’d start.” 

Jihoon saw Soonyoung’s lips curve into that same yet unfamiliar smile. It’s the same smile he grew to love all these years and yet it’s different in the sense that he couldn’t decipher it. Being friends with Soonyoung, Jihoon knows the guy like the back of his hand. But now, it just feels like… he’s left in the dark for too long and that’s what made Jihoon’s heart break for the nth time that night. 

“Hmm, I don’t know. Maybe, where are you working now? Maybe, you’re a head engineer now. Maybe you pursued dancing again. Or maybe…” Jihoon flinched when he thought of something. He knows he shouldn’t but he felt a pain in the pit of his stomach when he blurted out the next words. “Maybe… you got yourself a girlfriend or a boyfriend?” 

Jihoon flinched when Soonyoung accidentally stepped on his foot and they almost tumbled. Luckily, Jihoon kept their balance and he was able to catch Soonyoung. 

_Kkoong-kkang… Kkoong-kkang…_

They realized they’re in an awkward position so Jihoon immediately pulled Soonyoung up. 

Jihoon didn’t get to control his strength so Soonyoung’s body ended up too close to him as they stared into each other’s eyes. 

That familiar feeling that wants to come out of Jihoon’s chest earlier is there again. He was so drowned with the stars in Soonyoung’s eyes that he didn’t know he’s already standing in front of the line again. That damn line between friendship and being lovers… Is he… Is he finally ready to cross it? 

_We pretend like we don’t know although we know_

_We’re falling for each other_

_We already know losing control_

“I have something to tell you.” They were both surprised they said the same thing at the same time again. 

“You should go first now, Jihoon.” 

Jihoon didn’t argue. He’s afraid he’ll find himself stepping back again so he took a deep breath, tightened his hold on Soonyoung’s hand and made sure he’s looking at the other in the eyes. 

_The end of the secret swamp_

_Is a new start_

_Don’t rush, despacito_

“Soonyoung… I…” Jihoon heaved a deep sigh again. Years of pining and emotional constipation is not easy to let out in just one night but yeah, he won’t let Soonyoung slip away again. Tonight, he’ll definitely cross this damn line and make everything clear. Damn that dumb theory he made up when they were kids. “I am actually…” 

  
  


Soonyoung furrowed his brows, waiting for Jihoon to continue what he’s going to say. 

Kkoong-kkang… Kkoong-kkang...

“Actually, I’m in lo—”

_The end of the secret swamp_

_Is another start~_

However, their moment was interrupted when Soonyoung’s phone rang. It made Jihoon’s stomach twist again. 

  
  


“I… I think you should answer that.” 

Jihoon saw how Soonyoung’s face changed into what looks like worry when he saw who’s calling him. He immediately answered then what came out of his lips completely shattered Jihoon’s already crushed heart. 

“Yes, baby?” 

_Baby… So he’s… He already has..._

Soonyoung looked at Jihoon, biting his lower lip. “Okay, okay, I’m coming home now.” 

Jihoon stood there, frozen. Okay, 7 years is indeed a long time. How would you expect your best friend to stay single all his life? Someone who’s foolish would stay single just because of unrequited love. _Yeah, and that fool is Lee Jihoon..._

“You… you didn’t tell me—” He slowly let go of Soonyoung’s hand he’s holding so tight just a few seconds ago. _Guess I’m too late, Jihoon thought._

Soonyoung’s eyes were trained to the way Jihoon’s hand slowly let go of his. Is that disappointment Jihoon sees in his eyes? No, that can’t be… 

He then looked at Jihoon and gave the other a smile. Now, everything made sense to Jihoon. Those eyes that seem like they changed. They definitely changed… 

The music that’s loudly playing in rhythm with the _kkoong-kkang, kkoong-kkang_ inside his chest was drowned with the loud breaking noise Jihoon heard. He’s trying so hard to convince himself it’s not his heart the moment Soonyoung spoke again.

_“Jihoon, you have to meet someone.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading 💕 kudos and comments are highly-appreciated~


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Kwon Soonyoung, let’s cross the line...together.” 
> 
> Soonyoung… didn’t reply. 

“So, you’re running away again?” 

Jihoon rolled his eyes upon hearing Seokmin’s reaction after ranting to him about everything. By everything, he meant everything that happened between him and Soonyoung.

Well, technically, nothing happened between them. They’re just...best friends. 

“What do you mean by _again_?” Jihoon’s brows furrowed as he downed another shot of soju. “I didn’t run away when I went to the US. I just chased after my dreams.” 

“Chasing after your dreams and running away from your feelings are two different things, hyung.” Seokmin took the bottle of soju from Jihoon and poured some on his glass. “I mean, you could’ve told him about your feelings first rather than leaving without saying anything.” 

“I heard him…” Jihoon sighed. “I heard him talking to our friends.” 

“What?” 

“That he’s thankful we’re just friends…” Jihoon reminisced as he took another gulp of soju. The burning feeling in his throat, it’s… exhilarating. It’s burning yet it kinda wants to blurt out everything that he’s been bottling for the past years. “You don’t know how much it hurts, Seokmin. I mean… I get that we’re better off as that…” 

“As what?” Seokmin questioned when he saw Jihoon hesitating. 

“As… friends.” Jihoon tasted something bitter when he said those words yet he found himself repeating. “ _Just… friends_.” 

“Then, why are you still here ranting to me about running away from your feelings towards your best friend, hyung? You said you already know…” Seokmin is the best at provoking the answers out of him, Jihoon figured. 

Jihoon cupped his own cheeks, feeling the heat rush to his face. “We can’t stop what we feel here.” He pointed to his heart. “This stupid thing right here apparently doesn’t know there’s a line he should never cross. And that is the line between love and friendship.” He took a deep breath reminiscing all those years he’s pining for his best friend. “I mean, why can’t this idiot thing accept, I can be with Soonyoung forever if we remain as friends?” 

  
  


“Love is a gamble, hyung. It’s always all or nothing. Now or never. Do you really think being best friends is the best for both of you?” Seokmin asked and it made Jihoon freeze. 

Seokmin’s right. Love is a gamble. We won’t know unless we try. Unless we made ourselves clear. Writing numerous songs about love, Jihoon should’ve known this by now. 

“How did you… cross the line, Seokmin?” Jihoon asked the younger. “You’re childhood friends with Joshua too, right? How did you tell him about your feelings?” 

Seokmin smiled brighter than he already is with the mention of Joshua. Jihoon is stopping himself from snorting when he saw that. “Joshua Hong is worth every risk, hyung. I mean, I just thought that the world could be ending tomorrow. The least I could do is do my heart a favor and tell my best friend I’m in love with him.” 

“And then? That easy?” Jihoon shook his head. It’s definitely not that easy. 

“Well, I’m afraid too. Who wouldn’t, right? I could perfectly understand that feeling. When you don’t want to lose your friendship. When you don’t want to make things awkward. When you don’t want to lose the person you can lean on when problems arise and the person who’s causing the problem himself.” He put a hand on top of Jihoon’s hand. “But hyung, we are the Lees. We fear nothing.” He smiled again and Jihoon wants to smack him. “Hyung, I didn’t just cross the line. I jumped and leaped my way to there. I mean, having his back as his best friend is one thing. But being beside him to hold his hand as we walk together hand in hand, I think that’s the best feeling. And so… here I am.” Seokmin showed Jihoon the silver band on one of his fingers. “Happily married to my best friend.” 

Jihoon rolled his eyes. He didn’t know what’s more bitter, the alcohol, or his heart. He’s convincing himself it’s not the second option.

“Hyung, just confess. Tell Soonyoung you’re in love with him. Tell him every song you made is for him… Tell him that stupid _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kkang_ is what you feel for someone you love.” Seokmin advised as if it’s the easiest thing in the world. 

“What if the _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kkang_ in his heart is never there?” Jihoon bit his lip. “What if–” 

“Then, accept it. That’s the price you pay for letting time and distance get in between the two of you. Hyung, you won’t be able to move on if you have so many words left unsaid, trust me.”

Jihoon didn’t know how much soju he had drunk but he’s starting to feel dizzy. “To be fair, he’s the one who didn’t reply to me when I left. I was too ready to cancel everything and stay with him… if he just replied, you know.”

“But have you considered asking him if you, forgetting about your dreams, just so you can stay with your best friend, is something that he wants?” 

Lee Jihoon hates Seokmin. From the day he first saw his cousin, he knew he’d be this annoying relative. And at this moment, he hates him to guts. He hates that he’s speaking the truth. 

In a tiny voice, he replied, “Well, Soonyoung won’t want that. If the situation is different and I’m the one in his position, I wouldn’t stop him from chasing his dreams too.” 

“Then now that you’re reunited, why didn’t you go with him when he told you he wants you to meet someone?” Seokmin asked dumbly and Jihoon just wants to smack the hell out of his cousin’s head. 

“Seokmin, are you even listening? I told you he called someone baby? What do you want me to do? Torture myself and meet his _baby_?” Jihoon held his temples and ruffled his hair frustratedly. “I’m not a masochist –” 

Out of nowhere, Seokmin suddenly laughed which made Jihoon’s brows furrow. After recovering, he tapped Jihoon on the shoulder. “Hyung, you’re not a masochist but you’re the biggest idiot, oh god.” He’s wiping his tears from too much laughing. 

“What’s so funny about my misery?” 

“This is why… asking questions is always the best. Oh god, geniuses are considered stupid if they always just make assumptions and don’t know how to ask questions.” 

“What… What do you mean?” 

Seokmin put his both hands on Jihoon’s shoulder as if he’s a dad ready to educate his child. “Well, you’re right. Kwon Soonyoung has... a child.” 

❤️❤️❤️

Jihoon’s eyes fluttered open when he felt something poking his cheeks. Something... _or rather someone…_

He was startled when he saw little fingers poking his cheeks. When he opened his eyes fully, he saw a little girl beside him. 

Jihoon immediately sat up, then felt throbbings in his head. “Oh...shi–” He immediately shut his mouth when he realized there’s a little girl in front of him. 

But, wait? 

Where is he? 

How did he get here? 

What is he doing here… wherever this is… 

The last thing he could remember is him and Seokmin drinking, then Seokmin told him Soonyoung had a child, and then… He immediately searched for his phone and when he saw the message, he mentally noted to smack the hell out of Lee Seokmin when they meet again. 

**from: the lee i’ll disown**

_[you’ll gonna thank me and jisoo for this later.]_

  
  


“Ahjussi…” 

Jihoon turned his head and looked at the girl who’s already staring at him. 

She’s… oddly familiar, Jihoon thought. Chubby cheeks, corn kernel teef, 10:10 eyes. 

_Oh, shoot. 10:10 eyes!_

The next thing Jihoon did is roam his eyes inside the room and there, he saw pictures of his best friend with a little girl in his arms. The latest one is a picture of them in front of a tiger cage, their fingers curled into claws. One word immediately crossed his mind: _horanghae_ ~ 

He shook his head. Kwon Soonyoung still loves the tigers more than anything. 

“Ahjussi!” 

Jihoon was brought back to reality when the girl called him again.

“You must be…” 

“She’s my daughter, Soo-ah.” Jihoon didn’t get to finish his sentence when Soonyoung went inside the room wearing a tiger-printed apron and holding a spatula. “Lee Jihoon, what have you gotten yourself into?” 

“Daddy!” The little girl ran towards Soonyoung and hugged his right leg. “Is he your friend?” 

Soonyoung bent down and ruffled Soo ah’s hair. “He’s Daddy’s best friend, baby.” 

Jihoon felt a surge of embarrassment inside his chest when he remembered how he acted last night when he heard Soonyoung calling someone ‘baby’ on the phone. 

“Go on, wash your hands, and take your seat in the dining room. I cooked your favorite hotdogs.” Soonyoung said and the little girl jumped up and down excitedly as she kissed Soonyoung on the cheeks before running away, leaving the two adults awkwardly inside the room. 

“Uhh… if you want to wash up, there’s the bathroom.” Soonyoung is the first one to break the silence. “Sorry if I… changed your shirt. You’re too sweaty yesterday.” 

“Hmm.” Jihoon nodded, eyes not meeting Soonyoung’s. Years ago, they won’t apologize for things like changing each other’s clothes when drunk. God, Soonyoung even proudly flaunts his ass every freaking time. But yeah, things definitely changed.

“For new clothes, you can rummage my closet.” He pointed at the furniture not far away from his bed. “You know… just like old times.” 

“Old times… yeah.” Jihoon remembered when they used to share clothes back then. Soonyoung and his closet are one. What’s Soonyoung’s is Jihoon’s and what’s Jihoon’s is Soonyoung’s too. Tho they have a bit different sizes, Jihoon would intentionally pick larger size clothes so Soonyoung would be able to wear them too. 

_Good old times._

“And breakfast is ready, by the way,” Soonyoung said. He was about to leave when Jihoon spoke. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Judging by the way Soonyoung froze when he asked that, Jihoon figured that the guy really has no intentions of telling him anything. So, is he planning to keep this a secret from him forever? 

“I mean… I’m still your best friend.” Jihoon added. “At least for me, I still am… I never stopped—” Jihoon pursed his lips. “I never stopped thinking of you as my best friend, Soonyoung. And I’m kinda hoping you are too.” 

Soonyoung turned around again to face Jihoon with a smile that’s not reaching his eyes. What he said drained all the words Jihoon wanted to say ever since last night found its way to hide to the deepest part of his heart again. 

“You are my best friend, Lee Jihoon… You are… and always will be.” 

_Yes, maybe being best friends forever has always been the best for both of them... from the start._

❤️❤️❤️

Jihoon went out to the dining room and found Soo-ah, crossed arms, glaring at him. The dining table is just for two so he shyly settled to the corner. 

“Ahjussi, you should never make the food wait. The rice will cry.” Soo ah said that made Soonyoung chuckle. 

“I’m sorry…” He said as he bowed to Soo-ah. 

“Don’t apologize to me. Apologize to the rice in front of you. They’re here to give you your recharge for the day and you make them wait?” Soo ah pouted even more. “Don’t you know how lonely it is waiting?”

Soonyoung and Jihoon both choked with what Soo-ah said. They both glanced at each other but choked more when their eyes met. 

Soonyoung awkwardly laughed when he averted his gaze away. He then ruffled Soo ah’s hair then said, “Aigoo, baby tiger. What do you know about waiting? You’re too young for that.” 

“I learned from you tho!” 

Jihoon didn’t know what that meant but judging by how Soonyoung freaked out because of that, he figured that the little girl in front of her is indeed a Kwon. She’s a talkative one too. 

He bowed to the rice in front of him to save Soonyoung from the trouble of being exposed by his own child. “Rice, I’m sorry to keep you waiting. Thank you for the daily recharge.” 

And then they started eating breakfast. 

“Soo-ah, you don’t have to talk like that to ahjussi, okay? It’s bad.” Soonyoung told his little girl while Jihoon watched him put rice on Soo ah’s plate. 

Jihoon started eating his hangover soup only to regret it later when he realized it’s still hot. Soonyoung immediately stood up, grabbed something from the fridge. It’s ice. Then put it in Jihoon's bowl. 

“Aigoo, you still haven't changed. Sorry I didn’t let it cool down first tho.” Soonyoung went beside Jihoon and checked on him. “Are you alright?” 

Jihoon nodded but still felt the sting on his tongue. 

Soo ah just shook her head. “Clumsy ahjussi.” 

After eating, Soonyoung told Jihoon to look after Soo-ah for a while as he would take a quick trip to the drug store nearby. Jihoon told him he’s okay and that he’d be leaving soon but yeah, he should know better not to argue with Kwon Soonyoung, the Stubborn. He’ll never win against him. 

So, here he is, sitting on the couch, awkwardly fiddling with his clothes, in front of his best friend’s daughter who has her arms crossed while pouting at him. 

The resemblance is indeed uncanny. If it only wasn’t for her curly pigtails, Jihoon could see Soonyoung when they first met in her. Her pout, 10:10 eyes… basically everything. She’s a Kwon, no doubt about that. 

“You really look like your Daddy,” Jihoon commented and Soo-ah pouted more. 

“Daddy told me drinking too much is bad for the health. Why are you drinking too much?” 

Jihoon chuckled. Soonyoung’s child got his naggings too. “Ahjussi just drank a… little.” He gestured his fingers like he’s trying to pinch something. 

“Little? Is it considered little if you come knocking into someone’s door at 11 PM, carried by two other ahjussis while crying?” 

Jihoon wanted the ground to swallow him whole. What the hell did he even do while drunk? 

“W-What else… did I do?” 

Soo ah tsk-ed. “Well, first… you threw up on my Daddy’s favorite hoodie.” 

“I… what?” Jihoon smacked himself on the head. “Where is it? Let me wash it for your Appa as a peace offering… hmm?” 

Soo ah stood up, grabbed Jihoon by his index finger then led him to the room where he slept.

She opened the laundry basket and Jihoon’s eyes widened when he saw the hoodie that Soo-ah handed him. 

_It’s...his._

“This is… this is your Daddy’s favorite hoodie?” 

Soo ah nodded. “He’s wearing it whenever he’s sad. I think it’s comforting him.” 

Jihoon felt his heart beating so fast that at that very moment he’s afraid it might burst. “Then why… why did he wear this yesterday?” 

Soo ah heaved a deep sigh. “He wore it when he got home after meeting someone. He told me they’re his friends but…” The little girl moved closer to Jihoon and tugged the hem of his shirt. “I think… met his first love.” 

_Kkoong-kkang… Kkoong-kkang..._

  
  


Jihoon’s heart felt like bursting. He could feel the rush of all of the butterflies fluttering inside his stomach. And _that_ sound… that stupid _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kkang_ of his heart.

“First… First love? Do you know who his first love is?” 

Soo ah gripped Jihoon’s shirt tighter. “Ahjussi, you were crying yesterday while drunk, right? You told Daddy you won’t come back to America anymore…” She bit his lower lip then brought her little eyes up to meet Jihoon’s gaze. “Then, perhaps… Perhaps you know him.” 

_Kkoong-kkang… Kkoong-kkang..._

“W-Who?” 

  
  


What Soo-ah said next made Jihoon’s knees wobbly, his tears starting to well up. 

“Woozi-nim.” 

Jihoon is yet to recover from the shock when Soo-ah starts tugging him towards the closet. The little girl opened Soonyoung’s closet and pulled out a box. 

“He always wears that hoodie whenever Woozi-nim releases a song. He didn’t want me to see him but he always cries while listening to his songs.” Soo ah said. “I knew for sure Woozi-nim is not just a stranger. He’s more, more than just that.” 

  
  


_Kkoong-kkang… kkoong-kkang…_

Jihoon watched Soo-ah rummage the box carefully with her cute chubby fingers as if trying to look for something. 

“Yesterday, he hugged me while saying we should stop doing _this_ now but...” Soo ah took an envelope… a very familiar envelope and handed it to Jihoon. “Can you help me send this to him? This is my last chance to make my Daddy happy.” 

Jihoon carefully opened the piece of paper Soo-ah gave him. His heart felt like exploding when he saw what’s inside of it. 

Written with that familiar messy handwriting, in a white bond paper with a blue crayon and a cute little swing drawn on it, Jihoon’s tears started rolling down his cheeks. 

_Woozi-nim, stop making Daddy cry. Come home to him now!_

_Love, K._

❤️❤️❤️

“Where’s Jihoon?” Soonyoung asked when he came back. 

He was surprised to see Soo-ah playing alone. Beside her is not his best friend but his mom. 

“Ya, Soonyoung. Why didn’t you tell me Jihoon already came home?” Mama Kwon asked. 

“Baby, did ahjussi go home already?”

Soo ah shook her head. It’s Mama Kwon who answered his question. “Jihoon was crying when I came here. I was so surprised to see him and the first thing he did was hug me tight while sobbing so hard. He’s not even saying anything. After that, he just knelt down to say goodbye to Soo-ah before running away. Seriously, what’s going on?” Mama Kwon slapped Soonyoung’s back. “Did you make him cry? After not calling him for years, did you make him cry?” 

Soonyoung winced. “Mom! I didn’t do anything, okay? Soo ah, help!” 

The little girl stopped her Grandmama. “Grandmama, ahjussi didn’t cry because of Daddy. He cried when he saw my letters.” 

With the mention of letters, Soonyoung felt shivers run down his spine. He could feel the loud beating of his heart. 

_Kkoong-kkang… Kkoong-kkang…_

“What–what letters?” 

Before Soo-ah could answer Soonyoung’s question, his phone vibrated. 

It’s a message from Jihoon. 

**From: 🍚**

_[If you’re still using this number, I’m at the playground.]_

  
  


Before Soonyoung could sprint towards Jihoon, he felt a light tug on the hem of his shirt. 

“Daddy…

“Hmm?” 

“Be happy… this time.” 

❤️❤️❤️

“Jihoon.” Soonyoung softly called when he found Jihoon sitting on the old, lonely swing set looking lost. His eyes are puffy, telling Soonyoung that what his mom said about him crying is true. He ran towards the other and cupped his cheeks. “Why are you crying? Who made you cry?” 

The guy raised his head then looked at Soonyoung, his eyes unreadable. “So, you still use that number.” 

Soonyoung didn’t answer. Instead, he bit his lower lip. He heard Jihoon heave a deep sigh. 

“Kwon Soonyoung, you’re my best friend, right?” 

Without hesitation, Soonyoung nodded. “Of course! What kind of question is that?” 

  
  


“Can you fight this person for me?” 

Soonyoung went to sit on the swing next to Jihoon then cracked his knuckles. “Who do I have to fight?” 

Jihoon laughed. “He’s the worst person that I knew, Soonyoung. First of all, he’s an idiot. The most foolish person I ever knew my whole life.” 

Jihoon kicked a small rock in front of him “From the day I first laid my eyes on him, I knew he’d be trouble. The moment he entered the room, wearing that full tiger set, I knew he’ll be a headache. Little did I know he’ll actually be my headache.” 

Soonyoung’s eyes widened. “Ji-Jihoon..”

  
  


“Please let me finish first,” Jihoon said. “Let me finish first or I won’t be able to say anything again after today.” He looked at Soonyoung in the eyes, his eyes are glassy. “I don’t want to wait for another seven years to say this again. We’ll be 38 if that happens.” 

Soonyoung shut his lips but his eyes never left Jihoon’s as the other continued to talk. 

“Okay, so this worst person asked me to marry him when we were seven. Then he believed my stupid theory about wanting to be friends with the other person when you hear _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kkang_ … Oh god, I don’t know how many times I put up with his idiocy.” Jihoon said with a fond smile. 

“But you know what’s funny? Even if he’s an idiot, that makes me want to protect him more. I want to be always there for him… I want him to always be happy. That no matter what life brings us, I want him to know I always got his back. And so, we became best friends until…” Jihoon shut his eyes then he bit his lower lip before he finally looked at Soonyoung’s eyes. “Until… I don’t want to be behind him anymore.” 

_Kkoong-kkang… kkoong-kkang…_

“Jihoon…” Soonyoung didn’t know what to say. All he could hear was the loud beating of his heart. _Is he perhaps going to stop being my friend now_ , Soonyoung thought. “Jihoon, look… I’m sorry. Those years, I–” 

“Kwon Soonyoung, you’re my best friend, right?” Jihoon asked again. “Why didn’t you reply? Why didn’t you tell me everything? Why… Why do we have to waste our time hiding… from our own feelings?” 

Being with Jihoon almost all his life, Soonyoung was always sure Jihoon and he would always be together. Well, who is he kidding? _It’s certainly not..._

They have their own paths to walk on, their own dreams to fulfill. And so, when Jihoon asked Soonyoung to come with him, he knew this is not what would be best for the two of them. 

Being always together is not always the best. Sometimes, two people have to separate ways for them to grow on their own. 

_And that fateful day came…_

Well, initially, Soonyoung really has no plans on replying to Jihoon but after enough contemplation, he knew he won’t be able to sleep at night knowing he let Jihoon go without making his feelings clear for the other. 

And so, he was about to go to the airport to tell Jihoon about what he feels. That ever since, he didn’t believe in his stupid theories about that _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kkang_. That all these years, he has been in love… with his best friend. To tell him he would follow him…and that they’d fulfill their dreams together. 

But it seems like fate is not on their side. Right when he was about to call Jihoon, another call came through. 

A call that changed Soonyoung’s life 360 degrees… 

_[“Soonyoung, your noona ran away. She left Soo ah to you.”]_

  
  


Soonyoung felt tears starting to form in his eyes. “Feelings? What– What feelings?” 

“Why didn’t you tell me you have to take care of your sister’s child? You know I’ll understand, right? Do you even know how foolishly I’ve been waiting for you to contact me?” 

“I just..” Soonyoung averted his gaze. “I just think it would be best for both of us. You, pursuing your dreams and I… fulfilling my responsibilities.” 

When Soonyoung got that phone call about having to take the responsibility of taking care of his niece, he knew everything would be different. He knew his life would not be for his own only. He knew… he shouldn’t be making selfish decisions now. 

And so…he put aside all plans of following Jihoon and decided that they should take different paths. 

“Then why didn’t you tell me you never really completely cut ties with me? Why did you hide the fact that it’s you and Soo-ah sending me those letters?” 

“Jihoon… you know I could never really run away from you.” Soonyoung fidgeted with his fingers. “I guess… I guess one way or another, I want to be in your life. I want to be there for you…even from afar. That’s what best friends are supposed to do, right?” 

“What best friends are supposed to do?” Jihoon took a deep breath. “Soonyoung, this is not what best friends are supposed to do.” 

Soonyoung looked at Jihoon in horror. “What– What do you mean?” 

“Best friends don’t keep secrets.” 

Soonyoung lowered his head, trying to stop his tears from falling. It’s confirmed. Jihoon will now break their friendship off. 

“Best friends don’t lie to each other.” 

Soonyoung just wants to run away. He didn’t want to hear where this conversation was going. 

“Best friends always got each other’s back.” 

_I am indeed the worst person,_ Soonyoung thought. 

“Soonyoung, what am I to you?” 

And that’s it. That’s where Soonyoung broke down in tears. He knew that question is something he could never answer. At least, not directly. 

No, he never really believed that stupid _kkoong-kkang kkoong-kkang_ theory. But throughout all those years he was with Jihoon, he figured he could stay by his side for a long time if they never dared cross the line between love and friendship. 

But guess, fate is never really on their side. Maybe, it’s not meant to be. Maybe that… or maybe it’s just him being afraid of losing that one person… and in the process, he actually lost not just himself. He also lost Jihoon and their friendship. 

_He’s afraid… He’s a coward._

“Jihoon, I am afraid,” Soonyoung said as he stood up and covered his face with his palms while he sobbed. He turned his back from Jihoon so the other won’t see him. “I am afraid of many things. I am afraid of living with a job that I know I don’t really like. I am afraid of having this… this big responsibility that is not even my own.” 

Soonyoung continued crying. “I am afraid of living a life that I know is not my own. I am afraid of losing myself in the process. But most and most of all…” Soonyoung heaved a deep sigh. 

“Most of all, I am afraid I’d lose you too.” 

Soonyoung and Jihoon knew better than anyone else between the two of them, Soonyoung had always been the one with a concrete plan about the future. But when your plans for the future started falling apart… and you took the opposite path, Soonyoung knew better than to drag Jihoon, who’s starting to reach his dreams, in his messy life

“Jihoon… I am afraid. I am afraid to lose you. I am afraid you’ll grow tired of me. I am afraid you won’t want to be by my side anymore. I’m…” He shook his head at the thought. “I’m afraid of crossing the line to let you in my life only to lose you as a friend… and as my person in the end.” 

“My life's a mess. The least I could do for my best friend is to not let him in it.” Soonyoung exhaled a shaky breath. “Jihoon… I’m sorry I’m not really the _best_ person for you.” 

There’s a long silence that hugged the two of them. Soonyoung is more than ready to lose everything… to lose the only person he wants to be by his side even if the whole world turns its back against him… to lose Jihoon. 

Not until he heard Jihoon spoke again. 

“What should I do? You already are _the best_ for me from the very start.” 

When Soonyoung opened his eyes, he didn’t expect Jihoon to stand so close to him. And what the other did next, made him lose all the strength he’s been keeping inside himself throughout all these years. 

Jihoon took one step closer and cupped Soonyoung’s cheeks. From the day they first met until now, Soonyoung is drowning in the Milky Way inside Jihoon’s eyes. 

Jihoon stood on his tippy toes and connected his lips with Soonyoung. Slow... careful, gentle… until Soonyoung loses all his will power to fight what his mind says anymore. 

_‘Be happy… this time_.’ Soo ah’s words rang inside his head like a broken tape. 

_And this time, he surely...did._

  
  


“Remember this playground?” Jihoon asked when they parted, both breathless from the kiss worth so many years. 

_How can I ever forget? This is where I proposed to you when we were seven_ , Soonyoung wanted to answer but he remained tongue-tied, still unbelieving of everything that’s happening. 

“We vowed to be the best of friends all our lives here.” Jihoon reminisced and Soonyoung nodded. _He could never forget._

Jihoon took Soonyoung’s one hand and rubbed comforting circles on it. 

“Kwon Soonyoung, let’s cross the line...together.” 

_Soonyoung… didn’t reply._

❤️❤️❤️

“Woozi-nim, they said you broke your own record.” The interviewer said. 

Jihoon smiled at what the interviewer said. He clearly hates being in front of the camera. “Oh no, what record did I break now?” 

“The people who knew you before you became a Warner Music producer told us it just felt like you’ve undergone 10 breakups whenever they listen to your ballads. The last time we talked here, it felt like 20 heartbreaks. But now…” The interviewer looked at Jihoon and she could see the way his smile reached his eyes. It’s very different from the last time he was here. “But now, they said it feels like they experienced being in love 20 times already. There’s certainly something that changed.”

Jihoon smiled even more with that. “There are many things that happened in the span of one year. And yeah, there certainly is something that changed.” 

  
  


The audience squealed seeing their favorite producer smile and laugh, different from the serious and strict one they’ve seen for the past years. 

“Maybe… we should thank your imaginary boyfriend again or…” 

Jihoon cut her off. “He’s not imaginary. He’s more than real…” Loud gasps could be heard from the audience. Everyone was shocked. But nevertheless, the interviewer has to continue the show or it would be considered a broadcast accident. 

“Being the best, what do you think about it?” 

“I’m actually… resigning. This album would be my last time to work with Warner Music.” Jihoon’s lips curled upwards and the audience’s gasps were heard again. “Being the best bears that unimaginable weight on anyone's shoulder no matter what path we choose. Being the best in something is not really important. What’s important is you do your best in everything.” 

“As time goes by, someone better will always replace that ‘best’. But if you did your best in everything, no one will ever be able to take away the satisfaction in your heart and I think that’s the most important.” Jihoon told the interviewer who was about to react but Jihoon beat her to it. “These are the exact words I said a year ago, right? But let me add this…” 

Jihoon looked at the camera as if he’s talking to someone. “Being the best is one thing but nothing beats the feeling of being with the right person throughout this journey.” Jihoon heard some disappointed sighs from the audience, probably thought it would be a waste for one of the best producers to quit his job. 

“ I'm just resigning from my job but I’m not stopping. I would still do the things I love… but this time, besides the best persons in the universe and I think, doing what you love the most together with the person you love is one of the best things one could ever do for themselves.” 

❤️❤️❤️

“You did a great job, hyung.” Seungkwan said as soon as Jihoon went inside his van.

“However, they’re asking me and the company who you’re dating and why are you suddenly leaving the industry. Oh my god, hyung. I’m so stressed. What should I tell them? What if we lose our job? What if the company gets angry? Did you even tell them about this? What if–” Seungkwan asked the older who just rested his head with a smile plastered on his lips. He’s already freaking out and his phones are ringing nonstop. “Oh— and you received a letter.” 

  
  


“Seungkwan, did you know the first snow in Korea would be tomorrow?” Jihoon asked all of a sudden while staring at the letter Seungkwan handed him. 

“Hyung– what are you talking about –”

  
  


Jihoon showed the familiar paper with words written in blue crayon, a swing drawn on it. 

“ _I should go home.”_

❤️❤️❤️

“I can’t believe you quit your job,” Soonyoung said as he walked hand in hand with Jihoon, a sleeping Soo-ah on his shoulders. “I mean, you’re too close to fulfilling your dreams.” 

  
  


Jihoon shook his head as he swept the stray hairs away from Soo ah’s face. “I already fulfilled my dreams, Soonyoung. There’s something else I want to do this time.” 

They stopped walking when they arrived in front of a building. On the first floor, there’s signage: **Kwon Engineering** and on the second floor, there’s **Hoshi Studios**. 

Jihoon tightened his hold on Soonyoung’s hand. “This time, I want to be beside you when you fulfill yours.” 

“Do you think that is the best thing to do?” Soonyoung asked and before he could say something again, Jihoon gave him a peck on his lips. 

_Kkoong-kkang… Kkoong-kkang..._

“Who cares about being the worst or the best? Just being with you is the _best_ thing that ever happened to me already…”

  
  


❤️❤️❤️

“Kwon Soonyoung, let’s cross the line...together.” 

_Soonyoung… didn’t reply._

Instead, he bravely pulled Jihoon, leaned, and connected their lips. 

Jihoon and Soonyoung were 7 when they found each other and vowed to be the best of friends forever. 

_Jihoon and Soonyoung were 32 when they found each other again and this time, vowed to be the best persons for each other through the best and worst._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading 💕💕

**Author's Note:**

> oh nooooo, kwon soonyoung why aren’t you replying 😭😭😭😭😭
> 
> kudos and comments is highly-appreciated✨
> 
> or you can scream at me on:  
> twt: soonderehoon  
> cc: hoonderesoon


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